Discipline | Good News in the Gum Trees

Foundations 2: Discipline

Let's start with a definition of Godly Discipline.

Godly Discipline refers to parents using expectations and consequences, administered in love, to train their children to obey them, with the aim of directing them away from sin and towards doing what is right. It is modelled after the discipline that our Heavenly Father gives us in love, for our good.

This can be a difficult topic as not everyone is on board with the idea of discipline being a good thing. Some may be more neutral to the idea but not have motivating reasons for practicing it diligently. If either of these are the case for you, please take your time to consider the 'Why' section below and ask the Lord to help you to hear his voice on this matter and not just the voices of past experiences, culture, or even this website.

Begin and Continue with the Gospel

This is a great time to pause and consider again the wonders of all we have in Jesus, that these glorious truths would lead us to repent and motivate all of our work for the Lord, including disciplining our children.
Take some time now, or plan to soon, and meditate on a section of Ephesians 2, considering the state we were in before we received the rich mercies of God and the depths of all that we have now through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, that this would motivate and empower us in all that we do.

Why Discipline?

For any of us to start or persevere in discipline, through the many creative challenges that children will provide, we need to hold clearly in our minds why this is so important. Please take the time to stop and pray if you find any of these points challenging.

1. Children are required to obey their parents
'Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.' Ephesians 6:1
For this to be the case, parents need to require obedience from their children. They do this by setting clear expectations for them and giving consistent consequences when they are not met.
God has created a world of order, and a wonderful part of it is good authority and obedience. There is a great freedom to be experienced when we live under good authority, like that of our Heavenly Father. Christians given the gift of godly discipline by their parents learn that there is a battle going on within them between competing desires and they are not simply slaves to their powerful feelings. As we, in the early stages of their lives, impose control on them to direct their actions, our aim is for this to lead them to self-control one day. As children experience externally applied discipline, they can learn to correctly identify right and wrong motivations in their own hearts and take the steps to act in the way they choose. When we lovingly establish patterns of obedience in our children, we are giving them a much-needed life skill that is essential for their walk with the Lord, but also invaluable for their participation in an orderly society.

2. Parents reveal aspects of God to their children
God describes his relationship with his people using the imagery of a father or mother and their children many times in the Bible. We also know that God calls us to be like him, to walk as Jesus walked and become more like him. So, part of God's design for earthly families is that parents represent and reveal some of the character of God to their children - although this will ofcourse be imperfect because of our own sin. One aspect of this is discipline. Just as God calls and equips us to live under his good authority by obeying his commands, parents also ought to set godly expectations for their children. We show them what is right and wrong through his word, just as he has shown us, and we help them to be obedient, just as he helps us.

3. Discipline gives opportunity to share grace with our children
We require obedience of our children knowing that they are going to fall short, often. These are wonderful opportunities to give grace to our children, helping them to see their sin clearly and pointing them to the glorious grace that we have in Jesus. As we are moved by the goodness of Jesus to us, we experience true heart obedience, motivated by our love for him. Don't miss the opportunity to share this with your children by neglecting to discipline them.

4. The dangers of an undisciplined life
In Deuteronomy 21:18-21, we find a very sobering law. God requires that if anyone has a stubborn and rebellious son, who persists in disobedience, they are to stone him. I know this can be very jarring to think about (you can read a helpful article on this topic here), but consider for a moment what living under a law like that could do to you as a parent. It is a stark reminder of the grave consequences of disobedience, in this lifetime and beyond, and a parent who was mindful of this law would have surely taken their parental responsibility to train their children in obedience very seriously. Even today, when we do not have the weight of this law on our shoulders, we must remember that it points to a far greater consequence that still applies to all who reject Jesus' lordship over their lives. Parents have a crucial role in making their children sensitive to sin, helping them to see the weight of the consequences their sins deserve and encouraging repentance and turning to God when failures occur. May we take this responsibility seriously, with sober minds, as we live in holy fear of God.

The Bible has much more to say on this topic. If you are unfamiliar with it, it could be useful to do a word search and study on the topic of discipline and obedience. There are also some helpful resources listed below, with many more available online. May you come to see loving, Godly discipline as a wonderful gift that you can give to your children in their early years, that will set them up for life.

More resources:
"Parents, Require Obedience of your Children," Article by John Piper

Authority and Obedience, 20 minute talk on authority and obedience in the context of a Charlotte Mason Homeschooling setting, but worth a listen for any parent

Paul Tripp on Parenting with Grace and Disicipline - YouTube

The chapter of this free PDF book called "Pleasing God by Our Obedience: A Neglected New Testament Teaching"

'For the Love of Discipline,' by Sarah Wallace. Available on kindle and hardback.

How

This talk by Jeff and Jen Wilkin is a wonderful place to start when considering how to do discipline in your home. For the most part, they give you the broad principles that you can apply in your context, with examples over different ages, aimed at kids 0-5 years old. It is one of six part series on parenting, that is very accessible and helpful, although there will be things that not everyone will agree with it is well worth listening to. It will help you learn to set age appropriate expectations for your children and to give consequences when they are not met.

A helpful guiding principle as we consider setting up patterns of authority and obedience also comes from Ephesians 6:4; 'Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.'

There are two good litmus tests here to run our plans for discipline by. Ask yourself: As I set expectations, as I give consequences, is there anything I am doing to provoke my children to anger? And am I doing these things in the Lord, for his sake, in a way that would please him and represent him well?

A season of homeschooling led me to discover the work of Sonya Shafer and I have been particularly helped by her teaching on the topics of discipline, obedience and habits, based on the work of Charlotte Mason. In Shafer's book, "For the Children's Sake," she tells us to consider the way an army commander gives orders to his subordinates. Consider the planning and preparation he does before he opens his mouth, the way he gathers his troops and communicates to them in ways that ensures he has their attention. In the early days, and when re-establishing patterns of obedience, we should carefully consider how we are giving our children directions. This gives our children the best chance to successfully obey, so that if they do choose not to, the responsibility is fully on them. Likewise, every step of administering consequences should be done in an attitude of love for God and your child. There will be many opportunities to repent, to God and your children, but being prepared with a clear plan of how you will discipline, and prayerfully reviewing how you are going with it regularly will help to keep you on track.

Shafer has many quality, free resources available on these topics in her podcasts and at her website, Simply Charlotte Mason. Her free ebook, Smooth and Easy Days, introduces the practice of habit training and its wonderful benefits for families and individuals. She also has a comprehensive course available, Laying Down the Rails, which provides everything you need to start habit training in your home. This resource is great and easy to use, I recommend it to families whether they are homeschooling or not. I have personally benefited greatly from working through this material with my children and I would encourage you to take a look.

If Godly discipline is a not something you have a solid foundation in there are many great resources available through media, but also through the church. Do you know of a family whose children display character traits you would like to see in your own? Other families on this journey with us are a great gift and encouragement from the Lord who we can seek counsel from.

Bearing Fruit in Discipline

Next Steps

Again, if some changes need to be made in your home in the way you discipline, it's best to give yourself some time before moving on. This will require much prayer and persistence on your part, but don't give up! God will supply you with all you need to discipline your children by his abundant grace.

Foundations 3 - Conversations